Bad Old Days

Seeing all the news of those K-POP idols bullying accusations makes me remember about that time I was being the victim of ones. When I don't even know what was happening to me is bullying. I was naive like that as it first happened when I was in kindergarten. Well, I don't know if I can call it a bullying when the people who do that to me were kids, like merely 4-5 years old, as I was at that time. But what I know is that traumatized me that much that I still remember it till this day and I think somehow it makes me the way I am today, the most quiet person you'd ever known. Well, unless we have something in common or I thought u r my best friend, I would never open up first or at least initiate a convo. Or when you first met me, I'd never be the one who say hi first. And it's not that I don't want to but I couldn't. I'd just think too much, too timid and too nervous to even do that. Oh, how I wish I could be that friend of mine who could befriend even a stranger she bumped into.

So, what was happening is at that time I was a giant(?) child. I think I was as tall as a third grader(?) when I was a kindergartener. Wait, I'm not really sure how tall a third grader supposed to be. But I remember this, them (the bullies) were as short as my shoulders or even lower. I don't know if that's the actual reason they did bad things to me. Maybe they felt insecure around a giant like me and then they grouped up searching for some companies who feels the same way so that they could belittled me. I don't even know the reason. That's quiet funny now that I think about it bcs no matter how many of them flocked together I still saw them from up there(?). Ugh, you know what I mean. And how I feel so helpless when they come around. I wish I could tell my younger self to stand up TALL! Maybe that way I could get an extra cm height. Hm.

Anyway, another time was in my 5th grade when I moved to a new school in a whole new city, like I didn't even know a single person there. There's this kid a year below my grade, like suddenly, out of nowhere, when I was having my relaxing snacks time in the cafeteria, said aloud that I moved to that school bcs I failed a grade due to my giant body. Like wth boi. I was just eating peacefully. And what? Excuse me, but..do I even know you?! Damn. Now I'm angry remembering that. Apparently that day, I went home and told my mother about it and cried. This part I don't remember it, but my mother said I did, so yeah. And then my mother said she told the whole thing to the principal (I didn't know this until recently!). I don't really remember things after that, though. Too bad. I don't even know who that kid was. Lol.

Hmm. You know, I can laugh it off now that it's in the past. But at the time those were happening, I really think I have no one to depend on to. Especially the kindergarten times. Even if the parents saw it happened they thought that's just kids playing around. When I'm the only one who's not having fun. I always thought if I can endure it, pay no mind to it, for a while, they'll ignore me one day. I didn't even want to be recognized. I just wished to be invisible throughout the class.

Well, let bygones be bygones. And last, here I tell you, people. TREAT OTHERS AS YOU WANT TO BE TREATED. Cause you never know what comes after😏. See ya.

Love, Riz.